“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!” Psalm 37:7

Fretting seems to be as ingrained in my subconscious psyche as my love for my family, my excitement for vacation, or my disgust towards creepy bugs. Without realizing it, I go about my day as a series of resolutions: finishing something off solely to ease the anxiety it had creepingly been causing. Minor tasks created mental to-do lists, major life projects piled on constant fretting.

For the first time in a while, my summer was a summer of slowing down. I stayed at home, spent time with family, lay on my living room floor, hung out with my little kid cousins. To be honest I did a whole lot of nothing. And while I feel so incredibly thankful for all of the once-in-a-lifetime experiences I’ve had this year, it was hard and so good for me to learn to be equally thankful for the mundane experiences I got to soak in this summer.

I still did a fair amount of fretting, and I unfortunately continue to be working to ‘prosper in my own way’, to figure everything out on my own, to do everything I can to be in control of my future and not rest until it’s secured. Even a relatively relaxed summer was filled with an inescapable feeling of fretting. I was constantly anxious about not working enough or not doing enough or not taking advantage enough. My all-time hours spent lying on my living room floor are embarrassingly high, primarily driven by a need to calm the anxiety creeping up from inactivity.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Even in a summer of stillness, I struggled to stay still, to wait patiently on the Lord, and to trust him with my future. Though this verse shows me my utter failure to be patient, still, and to stop fretting, it also brings the greatest sense of calm—the Psalmist here is reminding the believer of God’s control and goodness. This Psalm goes on to declare the assurance we can have that God will execute justice, and the Bible tells the story of God’s great plan to save us from that very justice we ourselves deserve. Knowing that our God is loving, kind, just, and all things good, I then have the freedom from fretting and from anxiously trying to control my future. I know that God has total control, and because he is good, I can peacefully wait for him! I can lie on my living room floor, fantastically unproductive, and know that God is still good and still in control and my future has not just been catastrophically ruined by my failure to secure it.  

I can lie on my living room floor, fantastically unproductive, and know that God is still good and still in control and my future has not just been catastrophically ruined by my failure to secure it.

My summer at home was truly so amazing, and it was an opportunity for peace that I don’t want to miss or be ungrateful for. Thanks to my tendency to try to be my own god, I’m not often at peace in my inactivity. Spending time sitting around with my family, getting ice cream in the evening, catching up with old friends, taking my cousins to the library, all of these things become deeply rewarding when I remember to trust the Lord and wait patiently for him. Trusting that I will prosper in God’s way may mean I can’t guarantee that I prosper in the way of money, or career success, or social power, or other futile markers, but it does mean that I can be at peace. That is a gift that makes my summer at home and my future, however mundane it may be, so much sweeter.